Negotiation is a big part of parenting any child, but the toolkit varies.
We’ve used “Three Steps to Yes” (persuasion for geeks), Kazdin’s extinction/reinforcement, Greenes Explosive Child (above all) and more for working with #1. It’s made him a skilled negotiator, which isn’t a bad skill to have. For #3, so far, standard parenting tools suffice.
#2 is different — he’s classic Asperger . He needs a different set of negotiating techniques — such as the set outlined in a recent NYT essay on Hostage Hoiidays. Another addition to the toolkit - I particularly liked the obviously-fake-but-genuinely-effortful apology, the focus on vocal inflection, the techniques of partitioning/minimizing and “Track II” / 3rd party interventions.
Special needs parenting is very educational.
 We have no useful terms for taking about these complex neurological disorders, but he resembles the original stories. Remarkably he was classically autistic as a young child, once upon a time we weren’t supposed to revise that early label. Lots of nonsense in our dying classifications…
- Understanding an unusual mind 5/2010
- Persuasion, adolescence, and the joys of prison life 4/2010
- Reading about autism and ADHD - our personal favorites 11/2007 (Explosive Child)
- Training exotic animals, husbands and difficult children 6/2006
- Gordon’s Notes: Negotiation 2014: A compilation of state of the art techniques 11/2014